Shame and Motivation to Change Yourself

How to use shame and motivation to change? Shame is a term used to explain emotions of inferiority brought on by persistent self-deprecating thoughts. Shame is an intense feeling that can make people feel imperfect, unworthy, or even irreparably damaged. But if you adhere to the advice and maintain your motivation, you can get over this feeling.

How well-versed in shame are you? Let’s dig in! 

What Is Shame, And What Is The Function Of Shame? 

Shame originates from excessive self-consciousness brought on by critical and judgemental thoughts. Because it results from reflection and self-criticism, shame is considered a self-conscious emotion. Physical shame signs include flushed cheeks, a hunched back, and closed eyes. It gives you the urge to run, disappear, or possibly die. 

The function of shame is to control social structures and hierarchies. Shame, which ultimately may be held responsible for encouraging the maintenance of social standards, is what leads to the harmful effects of social rejection.

How does shame affect a person? Research shows shame can harm a person’s behavior and mental health. Shame may also make it difficult for someone to apologize for their actions or hinder them from receiving mental health treatment.

Types Of Shame

There are various types of shame. Let’s have a look at a few of them. 

Shame from the Family and Development

Both developmental and family shame can start to manifest as early as infancy. The idea that a child’s needs are unimportant is reinforced when parents ignore them, dismiss them as unnecessary, or misinterpret their behavior.

Shame Caused by Failure or Disappointment

You could experience the shame of disappointment or failure if your expectations are not met or if you fail in any venture. This goes hand in hand with feeling embarrassed by failing.

Societal Shame

Societal shame illustrates how one person or group may make another feel ashamed in front of the public.

Toxic Shame

Both internal and toxic shame is based on the notion that a fundamental flaw exists inside you. Toxic shame is not a fleeting emotion but a core aspect of you. People with toxic shame may try to cover their inner feelings by dressing beautifully on the outside.

Causes Of Shame

Shame comes for a variety of reasons: 

  • Some people experience shame due to having critical parents who made them feel inadequate in some way, whether explicitly or implicitly.
  • Others may feel ashamed as a result of peer interactions. Others seem to pick it up from their culture of shame or their relationships with demeaning partners.
  • People with low self-esteem may feel ashamed even when they cannot identify the exact cause of their sentiments.
  • The pain of shame is a common emotion for those who have been abused or endured trauma. 

How To Overcome Shame?

shame and motivation to change

The most common cause of anxiety associated with shame is the worry that sharing your experience and being who you are would make people think less of you. It challenges people’s pursuit of acceptance. Moreover, there are incidents where shame also causes motivation, and we need to fix the problem with shame-based motivation. 

Luckily, there are techniques to overcome shame. If we are willing to research diverse strategies for conquering life’s problems, we can gain new insights into who we are.

Among the productive approaches to shame are:

Practice Self-Compassion

Is shame an effective motivator? If you’re willing to put some effort into it, anything can be a practical approach. Self-compassion teaches people to be kind and accepting of themselves. The inner critique is silenced and replaced by a more thoughtful, compassionate voice through self-compassion. It also means carrying on with this positive self-talk even in the face of failure or uncertainty.

Learn Mindfulness Techniques

Practicing mindfulness techniques, such as bringing consciousness to the present moment by focusing on the breath, one or more of the five senses, or even giving a task your full attention and energy, can help reduce feelings of shame.

Learn To Forgive Yourself

Does shame motivate? Shame can motivate you, but you must learn to distinguish who you are and what you do. You’ll be far more willing to take chances if you realize that nothing you do can ruin your entire identity. Forgiving involves developing self-compassion and accepting oneself for who you are rather than trying to live up to others’ expectations. You ought to treat yourself with the same decency that you do other individuals who are essential to you. 

Look For Professional Help

Recognizing your guilt and having confidence in trusted people are necessary steps to overcome shame. This requires a level of transparency that can be very frightening. If your scars are too bad, you might want to counsel by a coach or a psychologist. Professional assistants will use shame as a motivator that can benefit you during this inward-looking journey. 

Final Thoughts

I have always heard people asking how to use shame and motivation to change? Shame is a complex, unpleasant feeling. Fortunately, we may begin to deal with our shame and perhaps even feel better if we can identify what it is. Once you’re over it, you’ll discover through this process that other people can help you constructively.


How does shame act as a motivator?

You must learn to differentiate yourself and what you do for shame to serve as a motivator. Realizing that nothing you do can ruin your entire identity will make you significantly more inclined to take chances.

What are the three sources of shame?

The three sources of shame are: 

  1. People who have experienced abuse or trauma frequently feel the agony of shame.
  2. Some people could feel embarrassed by the comments made by their peers.
  3. People with poor self-esteem may experience shame. 

What is the positive effect of shame?

Shame can assist us in repairing relationships when a behavior has damaged them. Shields usually come down, and healing conversations can start when people notice that we feel some level of shame. It enables us to acknowledge and take ownership of our actions.

What is the psychology behind shame?

There is a significant feeling of shame when we deviate from the social norms we value. We find it challenging to look at someone in these situations because we feel weak, ashamed, and unimportant. We want to bury ourselves and vanish. 

Where is shame held in the body? 

Shame is the uncomfortable sensation we have in the pit of our stomach when we feel there is nowhere to run from the judgmental eyes of others. We feel inferior and awful about ourselves and wish we could just vanish.

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