Love is a beautiful thing, but if it is not in its purest form, it can become bitter. In other words, there is no grey area or middle ground if those feelings are correct. In order for the relationship to be genuine, it must be unconditional. We always seek true and pure love from our lovers in a relationship. A simple love, but both parties recognize its sincerity. But what if your relationship is lacking in sincerity? What if you begin to question whether his feelings for you are genuine? Then consider the signs of conditional love we’ve provided.
Love without a condition is called unconditional love. In theory, unconditional love sounds wonderful, but it may not always be a good thing in relationships. To put it another way, unconditional love is wonderful, but it must be accompanied by some guidelines and conditions in order to maintain emotional health and well-being.
Some people will show you conditional love, which means they will not love you no matter what happens. Continue reading to find out the signs of conditional love, what this means, and how to recognize it.
What is conditional love?
Conditional love is a bad feeling. It is true that not everything feels like love. When someone unconditionally loves us, it means that they love us without any conditions, restrictions, or rules. While someone may have strong feelings of care or affection for you, if you believe you must earn it, their love is conditional. Furthermore, conditional love frequently fades during difficult times. When things get tough, your partner, family member, or friend abandons you emotionally or physically. Conditional love is unappealing. It’s not a tried-and-true love, and it can frequently cause significant pain to those who experience it. Even in your darkest hour, if someone makes you feel unworthy of love, this person is offering conditional love, which, as we will see, contradicts the very definition of love.
What is the difference between conditional love and unconditional love?
Conditional love refers to a person’s willingness to love you if certain conditions are met. This can include everything from how much money you make to how you treat them to how you appear.
Conditional love is demonstrated by a partner saying they will only love you if you stay in shape or by a mate saying you must keep your job if you want to keep them.
Someone will unconditionally love you no matter what happens or what you do. For example, if your mate says they will love you no matter how you look, or if your partner says they will stand by you even if you don’t make a lot of money, this most likely means they love you unconditionally. Their feelings for you have no strings attached.
The examples of conditional love
Consider the following examples of conditional love
- I only love you if you keep your good looks
- If you buy that dress/bag/ring for me, you will make me happy and feel loved.
- I will not deceive you if you remain to have intimate relations with me on a daily basis.
- I will pay you $5 million if you donate one kidney to me.
- Prove that you love me by taking me on vacation to the Maldives.
- Show up as my plus one to my friend’s birthday. Then I’ll know for sure that you adore me.
- You quit this job, or I’ll file for divorce.
- I will stick with you if you purchase me a diamond ring.
- If you take me out on fancy dates, I will make you look good in public.
Signs of conditional love
Can love be conditional? The answer is Yes. Here are seven indicators of conditional love, as well as some implications for you, your partner, and your relationship.
You give more help than you receive
This is common in codependent relationships with one narcissist and one empath with low self-esteem. When it’s your turn to be supported, your narcissistic counterpart may regard your vulnerability with contempt: they may see it as weakness and withdraw their support when you most need it.
Some people can deal with it by recognizing that they will never receive this level of support from their partner/spouse and seeking assistance from friends and family. Others are heartbroken to learn that they will never receive the love and support they need from the person they care about the most in the world.
You expect your partner to tolerate your bad behavior
You wish your man or woman to accept your negative behavior in a conditional love relationship because you are with them for all the wrong reasons. See, you don’t truly love this person, but you stay because you have unrealistic expectations for this relationship. It is just that you are more concerned with things than with people.
You have the sensation of walking on eggshells
You are constantly gauging their moods and emotional ups and downs because the manipulative behavior has emotionally traumatized you. In their existence, you don’t ever feel at ease or competent enough to be yourself.
It is a clear indication of a conditional relationship if you find yourself observing their moods and dispositions.
You don’t know how to behave
It may be difficult to know how to act in addition to not knowing how to communicate with your partner. If you have conditional friendship, it’s not healthy. To avoid upsetting them or making them feel bad about themselves, you may need to tread carefully. This may require a substantial amount of effort and energy on your part, leaving you exhausted on a regular basis.
When you think of love as conditional, this is exactly what comes to mind. You shouldn’t have to constantly check your words and actions in front of someone you care about. They should be able to laugh along with you when you do something stupid or say the wrong thing on occasion.
He might have cheated on you
This is the damage of conditional love. When he cheats on you after benefiting from you, compares you to his ex, and wishes you were someone else, that is the ultimate sign of conditional love! Someone who genuinely cares for you will never purposefully hurt your feelings. As his lover, he would always protect and cherish you.
Open perspectives and rigidity
Love without conditions Partners is adaptable and open to new perspectives they might not have considered before. Mutual acceptance, openness, and a WE mentality characterize such relationships. Partners can express their issues and concerns clearly. The story is very different in the case of conditional love. Partners are much more closed off and keep a respectful distance. Fear or preconceived notions keep them from discussing potentially contentious topics. The barriers are up, and genuine conversation is hard to come by.
He’s clingy and needy
The line between being completely in love with someone and being needy is razor-thin. You may believe he adores you because he is always seeking your attention and affection, but this is not always the case. In reality, neediness is highly conditional. He may be with you because you are a ready emotional clutch for him, acting as a free support system, or he may be with you for financial reasons. This one is toxic conditional love.
You are unable to remain faithful to your partner
Do you have trouble committing? Is it scary to be with just one person? Do you prefer to date multiple people over your partner? Unfaithful couples are more concerned with meeting their unreasonable needs than with being fair to one another. The truth is that you need far too much confirmation.
You always have the impression that the playing field is skewed
The odds are always stacked against you in a relationship. You need to put in more effort to prove your worth. While the other person is exempt, you must always demonstrate your love, loyalty, and affection.
The person is made to feel inferior to you. They manipulate you in order to gain control of you and obtain what they want from you. You never feel on the same level as them.
Your mental health is deteriorating
If you believe your mental health is in danger, it could be because you are loved on a conditional basis. You may have low self-esteem because you do not receive enough love and support, or you may have low self-worth because your mate speaks down to you.
You may also develop depression as a result of how your friend treats you, particularly if they constantly judge you and try to make you feel bad about yourself. Conditional love trauma is real.
His critics’ goal is to bring you down, not to make you better
It is our responsibility as partners to criticize our partners in order to help them become better people. What we said isn’t just a ruse to get rid of him. So, whenever he criticizes you, pay close attention to whether he intends to lift you up or tear you down. If what he said helps you grow as a person, he truly loves you.
Acceptance and satisfaction
Conditional love cannot compete with unconditional love in terms of acceptance. One partner accepts and loves the other despite their differences, trauma, and disadvantages. This relationship’s partners both feel more fulfilled and secure. In conditional love, satisfaction is granted if a partner’s conditions and expectations are met, which is not always possible. In this context, imbalance makes acceptance difficult.
He is unconcerned about your personal problems
Anyone who cares about you will feel compassion for you and a strong desire to help you. If he truly loves you, he will be concerned about your personal problems. When you tell him how you feel, he won’t roll his eyes or zone out, and he won’t stop you from talking or interrupting. Instead, he will show up and express concern. If he does not support you, it means his love is conditional.
When things become difficult, you flee or shut down
Do you maintain your cool under extreme stress? Will you flee and hide?
If you find yourself avoiding what you perceive as negativity, or if you find yourself loving your partner less during times of crisis, you may have some serious issues that need to be addressed. Supporting someone during difficult times, such as the death of a parent, financial hardship, or when/if they are diagnosed with a serious illness, is also an example of unconditional love.
They are constantly keeping scores
“I took care of this, that, and everything else for you.” It’s now your turn to repay the favor.” This is one method of keeping track. Otherwise, every time you file a complaint or point out their mistakes, they will remind you of all your wrongdoings. The worst-case scenario is when you accuse them of something and they accuse you of doing the same thing before.
Only conditional love can be offered by someone who is unable to let go of the past.
They gaslight you
If you have ever expressed your concerns to your partner and they have gaslighted or attempted to gaslight you, you have experienced conditional love.
Gaslighting can be a form of emotional abuse in some cases, so if this happens to you, remember that it does not happen in all relationships.
A relationship should be a team effort in which you and your sweetheart can communicate and even disagree when necessary.
He likes you because of certain things
People say we don’t have an explanation for why we love someone because we don’t have one. We adore him simply for being himself. That is all we require for true love.
If a man says he loves his lover because she has a stable job or because she is attractive, it could mean that his love is not yet unconditional.
The theory of love
In the context of personal relationships, Robert Sternberg developed the triangular theory of love. According to the triangular theory, the three components of love are a romantic component, a passion element, and a decision/commitment element. Conditional love may consist solely of passion, intimacy, or a combination of the two, whereas unconditional love consists of all three components of intimacy, commitment, and passion.
If he keeps comparing you to his ex
This, I believe we can all agree, is never a good sign. When he compares you to his ex, it demonstrates that he does not appreciate you. These are the signs his love is not real. Exes are always a touchy subject in relationships. If he continues to talk about his ex and even compares you to her, it indicates that he still loves her and hasn’t moved on.
This usually means you were his rebound and he is only with you because you were available. This isn’t true love, and you’re entitled to better. Accept nothing less; either address it immediately or pack your belongings and leave.
He is quick to pass judgment on you
Someone who loves you is very forgiving and understanding. They will not pass judgment on you or harshly criticize you because they do not want to harm you. Judging is inappropriate not only in romantic relationships but also in everyday platonic relationships.
When people make mistakes or make mistakes, there are usually underlying causes. So, if they confide in you or come to you for comfort, instead of pointing out all their flaws, be patient.
You lack trust
Because his job requires him to meet with women, your partner may request patience. He could be a woman real estate broker or closing agent. Of course, he will have some female clients. You may not allow him to be around other women, which is understandable given his line of work. Allow him to complete his task.
They are envious of your moments of glory
If you are successful, they may try to steal your thunder. They may appear to be gracious and to enjoy the limelight. They are, however, envious and resentful.
When they are in public, they are enraged on the inside because they need to be at their best to maintain their good image. They may dismiss or criticize your accomplishment in private.
You have the impression that they rule over you
You may believe your partner has power over you. They may instruct you on how to act, dress, or behave. While your friend’s moral code is admirable, they cannot compel you to do anything or act in a particular manner. They can’t tell you what to do either because you’re your own person. When someone attempts to prevent you from being yourself, it can result in low self-esteem.
He deprives you of some benefits
We love someone with all of our hearts and in every way that he is. We never use someone we care about because it implies that we don’t love him completely.
Did you know, however, that abusing someone we care about is a sign of conditional love? It most emphatically is. When your partner takes advantage of you, such as when you always pay the bills or when he asks you for money on occasion, he may not fully love you.
Everybody expresses love in their own unique way. Although your partner may be displaying signs of conditional love, it is never too early to pass judgment. Rather than passing judgment, you should thoroughly investigate their personality; perhaps he loves you but finds it challenging to express it in the way you desire.
We hope that this article on “signs of conditional love” was helpful for you.
Is conditional love abusive?
Conditional love is abusive and is used to control others against their will.
How do I stop conditional love? Or How to overcome conditional love?
Allowing yourself to let go of control and conditional love entails acknowledging and accepting that the universe knows what is best for you and is patiently awaiting the right moment to give you what you desire. Relax and stop putting expectations on others in order to make them worthy of your love.
Is unconditional love toxic?
Conditional love is a dangerous myth. It implies that rejecting something is a bad thing. Everything should be accepted, including boundaries, issues, feelings, and conflict. Indeed, it requires us to wholeheartedly love both the person and the behaviors.
What is unconditional love example?
- Acceptance and letting down your guard.
- When you’re struggling, lean on your partner without expecting anything in return.
- Admitting when you’ve hurt your partner without expecting an apology in return.
- Capable of forgiving and giving the benefit of the doubt
- You shouldn’t expect your partner to change.
What does conditional love look like?
Conditional love is based on “conditions” or circumstances that a person believes must exist in order for them to love another.
How do you know if someone loves you unconditionally?
If you have any doubts about the love in your relationship, look for these signs of unconditional love.
- They prioritize your requirements.
- They encourage your dreams.
- They admire you.
- They take care of you in the time of your illness.
- They are pleased with you and show it.
- They provide emotional support.
- They will display their weakness
What is conditional love and unconditional love?
Conditional love is simply loving that is conditional on certain factors. Love can only be earned or given when specific actions take place. When practicing conditional love, several complications can arise.
Love that is unconditional is love that you give or feel for another person. You love someone unconditionally if you love them regardless of what they say or do.
Is conditional love real love?
Conditional love is unappealing. It’s not a tried-and-true love, and it can frequently cause significant pain to those who experience it.