In the narcissist discard cycle, the phrase “Narcissist Discard” refers to the abrupt, typically chaotic, and unexpected conclusion of a relationship with a narcissist. In this blog article, we will discuss what narcissist discard is, what narcissists discard signs and examples, the covert narcissist discard phase, the narcissists discard stage and what to look for if you believe you are experiencing it, and the damage it may have on victims.
The sudden nature and abruptness of the narcissist’s decision generally completely blindside their spouse. Furthermore, they are frequently heartbroken as a result of the narcissist’s callous technique of summarily offloading them.
Please know that you are not alone if you have lately been discarded by a narcissist.
What Is Narcissists Discard?
Discarding means getting rid of anything that is no longer useful. People will be objectified by a narcissist. It means they regard individuals as objects to be discarded when they are no longer useful. You are not a sovereign being in their eyes. You are simply an interchangeable object that can meet their demands. They will nurture you in their image, utilize you, and then discard you. The narcissistic discard cruelty, they are merciless when it comes to discarding someone. This is referred to as narcissist discard. It is a traumatic encounter that can lead to despair and long-term emotional stress.
When a person with narcissistic tendencies ends their relationship with you, this is referred to as narcissistic discard. It’s common to feel as if you’ve been used and discarded. In general, narcissists will feel complete after the discard. For a narcissist, the discard phase is more complicated than just breaking connections with them. No, it frequently has a very particular function, which is to assist individuals in managing their buried unpleasant feelings.
Covert Narcissist Discard
The covert narcissist seems to be so self-centered and self-focused that they appear to be disconnected from reality. They appear to be unconcerned about others and try to manipulate them to get what they desire. One distinguishing feature of covert narcissism is that it exhibits fewer symptoms of conventional narcissistic personality disorder. They may exhibit qualities that are not often associated with narcissism, such as shyness, sensitivity to the thoughts of others, and humility. Their actual deceitful personality is veiled.
Covert narcissist discard is similar to normal narcissistic discard, but the key difference is that you cannot detect the pattern. They are difficult to recognize since they are not outspoken. Covert narcissistic discard is similar but attempts to recognize the signs. It will be difficult for you, but if you want the best for yourself, you must at least try. They can deceive you into thinking everything is OK, just to dump you out of nowhere.
How to deal with a covert narcissist?
Here are some suggestions for dealing with a covert narcissist phase:
Understanding the signs of covert narcissism can help you decide whether it’s time to get help, remove yourself, or leave the relationship.
Because many persons with NPD lack clear boundaries, it’s critical to reinforce yours by establishing reasonable limits and withdrawing from the relationship as required.
It may be easier said than done, but it is critical to avoid taking things personally. Recognize that any harsh or passive-aggressive words are not about you, and then refrain from reacting or engaging.
Create a solid support network. Seek advice from friends and family members who can provide a different viewpoint. And help you understand whenever you are manipulated by someone.
Why Does A Narcissist Discard You?
You question yourself why do narcissists discard you? Narcissists are quickly bored. They initially enthrall the pursuit and conquest of a new partner, and they are prone to magical thinking and idealization, which means they frequently assume that “the perfect person” will fix all of their issues. But it has nothing to do with you or how brilliant you are. Their objectives are entirely selfish. They aren’t seeking a relationship or attempting to establish a life with someone. They are searching for someone to do things completely for them. Of course, this is not rational, practical, or realistic in any way. Nobody can fix someone else.
Narcissists discard for a variety of reasons. The key reason is that they’ve generally discovered a more convenient source of supplies.
- They were afraid of being exposed when you became aware that anything was wrong with their treatment of you or others.
- You called them out on their conduct, established boundaries, and stopped gratifying them, so they felt out of control.
- You stopped providing them with emotional reactions, and they felt neglected as a result.
- Their games no longer work on you because you’ve learned to respond rather than react, or you don’t chase them when they go into silent treatment. You simply ignore them.
- They emptied you, stole everything from you, and you hit rock bottom, so you no longer had anything to offer them since they refuse to assist you. They’ve taken your mental and physical health, depleted your finances, and left you anxious and sad with anxiety. They drain you until you are completely depleted.
Narcissists Discard Signs And Examples
Looking up signs the narcissist is preparing to discard you is your biggest sign that this is what’s going down. Sure as anything, what is prompting your need to know are the covert narcissist discard signs coming thick & fast, and you feel more confused & anxious than ever.
So, what are some narcissistic signs? The more you learn, the sooner you will be able to break the trauma link, defend yourself, and start healing. Here are narcissist discard examples and some signs for you to notice.
Over the stage of love bombing
It used to be so clear that they were into you. You were the only one they want to be around, chat with, laugh with, etc. You were their entire universe. It’s as if they switched a switch and are no longer head over heels for you. They may still say wonderful things, but they look at you differently. They’re not as eager to commend. If you persuade yourself, “Every relationship goes through passionate dry periods. They’re most likely just stressed.” It gets worse.
Everything is devalued and criticized
They’re now saying harsh things about you and everything you do, making you feel ugly, dumb, overdramatic, needy, or useless. They pour it on until they notice that their remarks are affecting you. Then they’ll either send you away to cry alone, or they’ll relish your anguish while berating you for your weakness. Their purpose is to undermine your self-esteem and confidence. They want you to feel reliant on them so that they may gradually eliminate the people in your life who care about you. They want you to feel that no one sees you or recognizes your worth as plainly as they do.
Avoid spending time
Because they have you on the hook, they don’t have to pretend to enjoy your presence. They quit hanging out with you at home and refuse to go out with you. You get a strong feeling they don’t want to be with you. Perhaps it’s because they’re lying. Perhaps they’re simply deepening the trauma link. They know how you react when they offer to spend some time together.
Irritated with everything
Everything you do irritates them: the sound of your breathing, your clothes, the way you eat, the sound of your voice, and so on. And they’re not shy about telling you. Indeed, they freely criticize everything that disturbs them. They want you to be anxious about what cruel thing they’ll say next. It’s just more approach to fortify the trauma link. As a result, they will make you feel inadequate and undeserving of their love. They want you to believe that no one in their right mind would want to be with you — and that you’re fortunate that they haven’t found someone better.
Use gaslighting techniques
When you bring out some of their terrible behavior, they lie and deny – repeatedly — to undermine your trust in your views. The idea is to make you believe that you, not they, are the problem. If your narcissistic spouse can convince you that you’re insane and that everyone is on their side against you, they’ve succeeded in reinforcing the trauma bond. Even if you have obvious, indisputable evidence of their wrongdoing, they will deny it. They’ll challenge your sources, dismiss your rationale, and say anything to make you doubt yourself. They recharge by draining you, much like a parasite.
How To Respond To Narcissist Discard
You’re undoubtedly upset and rejected if you’ve been discarded by a narcissist. Relationships with narcissists tend to follow a typical pattern: the early phases are excellent until the narcissist begins to erode your self-esteem until finally decides to cast you away totally. You do not deserve to treat in this manner. With this advice on how to deal with discard narcissists, we’re here to help you heal.
Let yourself time to recover
The most significant aspect of recovering is time. Losing a relationship with a narcissist can be exceptionally traumatic. Since you were completely in their orbit and gave up your own space to satisfy them. Although it is frequently preferable to end relationships with narcissists, it is also quite appropriate to mourn this loss. Understand that feeling better may take weeks or even months—this is all part of the healing process. If you’re still feeling unhappy months after being dumped, don’t punish yourself. Everyone recovers at a different speed, but everyone heals.
Confront unfavorable self-perceptions
Consciously heal the harm done by the narcissist. Your connection with the narcissist has most likely been affecting you for some time, even before the discard. Keep in mind that the narcissist’s perception of who you are is not reality. Practice countering negative self-perceptions with positive words. If you find yourself thinking, “I’m useless,” reassure yourself, “I know I have value.”And If you find yourself thinking, “I’m a poor spouse,” tell yourself, “I’ve always shown care in relationships.” If you’re thinking to yourself, “I’m a bad daughter,” tell yourself, “I’ve always done my best to be kind to my parents.”
Pass the buck to the narcissist
Narcissists make you believe that everything is your fault when it is not. Narcissists are incapable of developing relationships based on mutual care and understanding, and they blame others. It’s acceptable to feel furious toward a narcissist after being dumped; this is a natural reaction to having spent so much time feeling sorry for their failings. These sentiments of rage may pass, but it’s preferable to aim them toward the narcissist than at yourself.
A discard allows you to focus on your demands rather than the narcissists. Making sure you’re eating and sleeping enough, as well as remaining active, is essential for maintaining emotional strength. Make time every day to do something just for you, whether it’s going to the movies, working on an art project, or simply taking a long bath. When you live with a narcissist, you spend a lot of time catering to their wants and attempting to keep them happy. Self-care is a vital aspect of reminding yourself that your happiness is important as well.
Restore your self-esteem
Building your self-esteem enables you to progress. A relationship with a narcissist might make you doubt your talents and strengths, so find ways to remind yourself of them. Meeting new people allows you to demonstrate your greatest traits, and completing activities on your own can help you feel more autonomous and capable. Volunteering is also an excellent approach to boosting your self-esteem and confidence. We are naturally reminded of our strength and abilities to care for others when we volunteer.
Upgrade your limits
Take the time to re-establish boundaries with narcissists. Narcissists gradually disregard the boundaries you set in order for them to stay autonomous and self-sufficient. Make a list of the boundaries you wish to keep in your relationships so you can remember which ones are non-negotiable for you. For example, you might set limits such as
- “My family is essential to me, and I will not allow someone to compel me to sacrifice my time and attention for them.”
- “I will not feel compelled to show intimacy or affection to individuals when I do not want to.” “I am not a bad spouse because I need my own space.”
- “I will not give up my career to make other people happy.” I like my profession and will not be deterred by guilt.”
Cut ties with the narcissist
Narcissists can try to lure you back in after a discard. It is critical not to slip back into this trap. If you feel forced to maintain your connection with the narcissist (say, a parent), do so only after you’ve regained your self-esteem and discovered a means to live emotionally independently of them. It’s OK to send the narcissist a message or call to let them know you’re not interested in continuing the connection, but you can gradually cease contacting them.
Narcissist Discard And Silent Treatment
Narcissist discard and silent treatment are extremely draining. It also makes you feel useless, and you will feel as if you are gradually losing your mind. So, what should you do if you’ve been the victim of narcissistic discard and silent treatment? Most experts would advise you to adhere to the no-contact rule.
The Narcissistic Relationship’s Idealization, Devaluation, and Discard Phases
It’s fair to assume that a narcissist will ultimately discard his relationship.
When the love bombing stops and the passionate luster of a new victim fades, narcissists become bored. A narcissistic relationship is in the Idealization Phase. It is quick and fleeting, yet immensely strong.
A narcissist in the idealization phase is sometimes referred to as an Idealizing Narcissist. After the idealization phase is through, the connection gradually deteriorates as the narcissist understands how mortal his victim is. The narcissist will become distant and disdainful. It’s subtle at first, but after your final autopsy of the narcissistic relationship, you’ll identify the signs with a new realization. There will be subtle insults and casual dismissals. For example, “remarks” concerning your looks or behavior will be made; these suggestions are usually always unprompted and unwelcome.
Time will fly by. The devaluing behavior will intensify. But the subtlety is no longer there. The comments are direct, as are the allegations. There are conflicts, and they are both large and small. The “walking on eggshells” and tip-toeing begins. A narcissistic relationship is in the devaluing phase. A narcissist in the devaluing phase is sometimes referred to as a Devaluing Narcissist.
The entire devaluing phase experience is tiring, disheartening, and stressful. Everyone involved in a narcissistic relationship is dying psychologically, yet they are battling and fighting reality to keep the whole thing continuing.
And now, with the idealization phase over and the devaluing phase tiring, the narcissist is ready to move on and locate a new narcissistic supply. Will the narcissist discard the new supply, yes they will. You’re tapped out—no there’s more emotional gasoline in your psyche’s tank. A narcissistic relationship is in the discard phase. A narcissist in the discard phase is sometimes referred to as a Discard Narcissist.
Narcissist discard is a blessing
You might think a narcissist’s final discard is heartbreaking at first. It’s hurting because you cared about that individual. You devoted your time, energy, and affection, but the narcissist just regarded you as an object in return. The narcissist will never change their ways because the narcissist believes there is nothing wrong with their behavior, and you will lose your self-esteem if you continue to live under their influence.
The narcissist may believe that getting rid of you is doing you a favor and teaching you a lesson, but it is beneficial to you. In rare circumstances, they may return, but only for more manipulation and agony. You will get rid of a poisonous individual by walking away when they discard and never returning.
How To Get Over A Narcissist Discard?
Being discarded by the person you love is the worst feeling ever. It is such an exhausting experience because it involves dealing with rejection, abandonment, betrayal, and replacement. It feels even more painful because the person knows you well and wants to throw you away by choice. The narcissist is telling you that you are unacceptable, and this personal rejection makes everything even worse.
This generates a sense of worthlessness and emotional stress in the attachment system. This can lead to future relationship anxiety and commitment issues. However, it is possible to recover from narcissist discard. You can do it, even if it is difficult and requires an investment of your energy and time. If you’re wondering how to recover from narcissist discard, here are some suggestions:
Take Some Time To Grieve
Do not attempt to ignore or embrace your emotions. The more you allow yourself to experience these feelings, the faster you will heal. Grieving is a means of expressing feelings that you are attempting to keep hidden. Discuss your loss and your thoughts about it. Recall all of your positive and terrible memories, write them down in the form of a letter, and seek closure. A narcissist has treated you so terribly that you now feel worthless and believe you are unfit for anybody. You were probably pushed to accept that you were the problem and that you were never entirely prepared to take care of the relationship. The narcissist ghosting after discard. But you must think that you can heal from this tragedy and have a wonderful future.
Take No Responsibility For Everything
Being in a toxic relationship makes you believe that everything negative that happens in a relationship is your fault. However, that was not your fault. The narcissist will hold you responsible for everything. If someone utilizes you to get their way, it reveals a lot about them rather than you. As a result, there is no need to accept responsibility for something you have not done. Do narcissists hoover after discard? Narcissists pursue discard in a variety of methods, waxing poetically about how they’ve changed, or, more cruelly, parading a new partner to their former one after a particularly brutal silent treatment or discard.
Also, narcissists are baiting after discard. Recognize it as a chance to end a poisonous and unhealthy relationship.
Learn Something From Your Own Experiences
Just because your narcissistic spouse chose to discard you doesn’t imply you can’t be in a passionate and loving relationship. If you think narcissist regret discard, so you’re wrong. Consider this a good learning experience. Pose some questions to yourself, such as
- What did from this relationship that you can use for your future one?
- What could you have done to improve this relationship? It is not about blaming oneself, but about personal development.
- Is it safe for me to start a new relationship and be vulnerable in front of them?
Seek Help From A Professional
Dealing with a narcissist is difficult and requires patience. You care about them, which is why you tried so hard to make everything work, but what did you get in return? There is just rejection and trauma. Nothing is more crucial than your mental wellness. As a result, you should seek professional help since dealing with the entire trauma on your own would be difficult. A skilled mental health care practitioner can evaluate the entire scenario and recommend the best course of action. Take everything gently and do not rush. A specialist may advise you to try meditation practices as well as treatment.
The Bottom Line
Perhaps you genuinely care about this person and want to make the relationship work. Perhaps you’re married with children and don’t want to uproot your family. Assume he isn’t a narcissist. You read that right. You recall yourself as the person you were at the start of your relationship when you were falling in love.
This entails ignoring his poisonous behavior and concentrating on the qualities you appreciate in him. This keeps the narcissist from feeling ashamed or assaulted, and it allows them to go about their business without having their ego bruised.
Although the narcissist discard phase appears brutal at first. If you see the narcissist discard signs and examples, don’t be depressed. It is a benefit in disguise in the long term. This allows you to move on calmly and firmly and break off all connections with your abuser.
It will be a phase in which you will find yourself and your abilities. Understand yourself, accept yourself, and be happy.
What are narcissists discarding behaviors?
There are many narcissists’ discard signs and examples. Everyone’s situation is unique. Sometimes it’s unexpected, and other times it’s not. Someone else has appeared in their life unexpectedly, perhaps from a new or old source. They will notify you that this individual is thereby sharing photos of them on social media or sending you a text with a photo of them. All of this is part of the game.
Though you question them about it, they will deny it and use it against you by making it appear as if you were possessive or jealous. They vanish, ruthlessly, and you’re left wondering what happened and doubting yourself. You won’t ask them why narcissists blocked me after discarding myself. In actuality, they were not receiving the same amount of importance out of you as they used to and perceived the new/old person as superior importance.
How do you know when a narcissist is discarding you? How and when do a narcissist discard forever?
- The period of the love bombing is passed.
- They look down on you and condemn everything you do.
- They’re ignoring you and making themselves unreachable.
- They try not to spend time with you, especially in public.
- They are always upset with you.
What happens when a narcissist discards you?
The narcissist discards you and finds a new supply for your substitute. They only discard when a substitute is discovered. The narcissist is reliving the start of your relationship with someone else. Narcissists being nice after discard, is because they will only ‘care’ if they believe they have been defeated in the game. If they do, they will just come back to utilize you again before discarding you so that they can ‘win.’ To be honest, they don’t care about the manner you think. They will consider it a win if they have secured your replacement and everything is going according to plan.
When you get engaged with a narc, it was game over. A one-way ticket to a bad encounter. It is unavoidable to be abandoned. If you’re lucky, you won’t make contact, they’ll leave you alone, and you’ll be able to put this experience behind you as soon as possible. This should be your ultimate objective. If you deviate from that, you are only postponing the inevitable and subjecting yourself to greater suffering.
How do narcissists discard their partners?
When you begin to call them out on their chaotic, destructive, impulsive, and irresponsible behavior, they will discard you. They want to be free to live their lives as they like and not be held accountable for the consequences of their actions.
Moreover, They will also discard you to get power over you. They do this merely for the sake of seeing how far they can push you. You could be having the finest time together one minute and then wake up to discover that you’ve been blocked, they’ve changed their phone number, they’ve relocated, they’ve quit their jobs, and they’ve practically vanished.
This will put you in a panic and make you feel abandoned since you have become so close to them. They leave you in excruciating pain as they appear to go about their lives, slithering like manipulative snakes onto the next victim with no care for how they’ve left you to bleed out.