When you and your spouse have different upbringings or different experiences while growing up with the same parenting techniques, it might be difficult. Trying to combine your thoughts and experiences into a single coherent plan can feel absolutely burdensome. But we are here to advise you in that situation! Exploring “Dating Someone With Different Parenting Styles” is what we’ll be doing today.
Different Parenting Styles Between Spouses
Your kids will probably be aware of and try to take advantage of the fact that you and your partner have different parenting philosophies. Children who are exposed to conflicting parenting approaches may get confused. For instance, if their permissive parent ignores the punishment that an authoritarian parent imposes on them for breaching the rules. They might not understand the significance of the rule they disregarded, and they might not continue to do so. Conflict with your partner can also result from having different parenting perspectives.
For couples with various parenting beliefs, disagreements over parenting are a regular issue. Talking about your children and how you want them to be raised may be tough for you. Although having diverse parenting philosophies might cause issues in relationships, there are steps you can take to lessen this and instead establish points of agreement.
How Parenting Styles Affect Relationships
There’s a reason you shouldn’t have a child to keep your marriage together. Even the most stable of relationships can become strained when a third party is involved, adding to the complexity of the relationship.
Parenting, money, and sex are the three issues that cause couples the greatest conflict, It makes perfect sense considering how precious your child is to you.
Even though most couples would concur that they are looking out for their children’s best interests, they may define “best” differently and end up disagreeing on anything from diapering to discipline. Even though you and your partner may share many traits, there’s a strong possibility that your parenting approaches are different. And you’re probably basing your decisions on the way you were brought up.
What To Do When You And Your Spouse Have Different Parenting Styles
Differing parenting philosophies can be quite stressful for a marriage. Actually, the tension is caused by the meaning we give to the divergence rather than the diverging styles themselves. However, there are other, more beneficial angles to consider. The following guidelines should be followed while interacting with various parent styles:
Keep your judgments to yourself.
Every person’s parenting philosophy is genuine. It is ingrained in our past. If your own parents were authoritarian, it’s likely that you’ll respond by being fairly permissive; yet, if you were reared in a home without boundaries or rules, you might end up tightening the reins. That swing in the parental pendulum is innate and normal. It is not anyone’s fault.
Don’t take it personally.
We often make everything about ourselves. In contrast, “We are only bit parts in other people’s dramas,” says neuropsychologist Rick Hanson. His propensity to give time-outs does not necessarily reflect your carefree ways. The constant supervision of her homework doesn’t make up for what she sees as your carelessness. You may choose to personalize this conflict but don’t. Instead, make the decision to acknowledge that both you and she are acting in accordance with your own viewpoint.
Try not to worry so much.
Although it would be wonderful if you two had the same parenting philosophy, it is not necessary. The lesson that your children learn about consistency from each of you is more crucial. They will then adjust.
Grow together
Parenting is an acquired skill; it is not instinctive. So enroll in a class together or, at the very least, read a parenting book. The objective is to develop a parenting paradigm that is similar to a Venn diagram—with enough difference and enough overlap—rather than to become parenting clones.
Do let the person initiate the discipline and complete it.
You only get to control a little portion of the world, including your own connection with the children’s father. Even if you are positive that his strategy will fail, keep it to yourself. He and the kids must determine that.
Don’t paint one parent as the villain.
You won’t become a better parent by telling your kids to wait till their father gets home or that their mother will be upset with them. Even if your spouse is an authoritative parent and your child responds well to this threat, it still applies. There’s a chance that your kid will start to fear the other parent and will only listen to you when you tell them something else. Your child must respect and listen to you in order for you to be able to parent them effectively. You can privately decide how to approach matters with your partner if you need their opinion on the situation.
The Ending Note
One of the most important things you will ever accomplish together is to have children and raise them. It’s a big adventure that may either divide or bring people together. As a team, take on this task! To get more out of your family interactions and establish a joyful and healthy family atmosphere, use this parenting advice for all types of parenting approaches.
FAQs
Can a relationship work with different parenting styles?
You can privately decide how to handle things with your spouse and then put on a united face for your child if you feel like you need their advice in the scenario. Your relationship does not have to end because you have different parenting philosophies.
Do Differences in parenting style affect negatively the husband-wife relationships?
Conflict can arise from any parenting style variation. Even parents with identical parenting philosophies can disagree. For instance, two strict parents can concur on the value of discipline and love. However, they might not agree on what this entails.
Is parallel parenting healthy?
Some might claim that parallel parenting is damaging to kids or that it puts children under more stress since it discourages positive parent-child relationships. In actuality, parallel parenting can be advantageous since it avoids conflict in front of the children.