It is one of the most discussed topics in The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. While acceptance helps you deal with blame and self-pity in many situations, it is frequently misunderstood. Many people view acceptance of a problem to be the final solution. Acceptance in this sense can lead to the development of a victim mindset. It stifles growth and fosters resentment. In truth, acceptance is the key to finding the answer. Acceptance itself is not the final answer.
Acceptance involves embracing the truth there is a problem. Accepting a problem lights up a spark within you that leads you to take action. It is not an excuse to quit; instead, it propels you toward living the answer.
Before venturing deeper into the subject, let us consider the concept of acceptance.
What Is Acceptance?
The word acceptance comes from the Latin word acquiescence. It implies being able to cope with reality. Accepting a situation allows you to move on. In other words, acceptance is more than just putting up with or submitting to things; it is also about handling them. Accepting a situation allows you to deal with it instead of fighting it.
What Is Acceptance In Psychology?
Acceptance in psychology includes accepting your present-moment experience of emotions like anger, guilt, irritation, sadness, worry, shame, etc., and the thoughts that contribute to these emotions instead of striving to escape them.
Acceptance does not imply that you agree to others mistreating you. It simply means that you are not caught up in the thoughts and emotions related to your experiences.
Psychology is increasingly moving toward radical acceptance, gratitude, and resonance with the positive. It aids in the improvement of the quality of life for many people.
Thus, acceptance is the key to a better life.
What Is Radical Acceptance?
The concept of radical acceptance originates in the teachings of Buddhism and Carl Rogers’ psychology paradigm that acceptance is the first step toward transformation.
It incorporates fully accepting your experience, including thoughts, feelings, and emotions beyond your control without judgment, evading negative emotions, or wishing the situation was different. Doing so reduces the suffering caused by them. Radical acceptance fosters the idea that the key to overcoming grief is non-attachment, not staying attached to it.
Non-attachment does not imply the absence of feelings. Instead, it refers to a determination not to let pain grow into misery. You pay attention to your thoughts and emotions to determine when you are allowing yourself to feel worse than necessary.
Lack of judgment does not imply approval of the circumstance. It entails accepting reality without getting caught up in an emotional reaction to it.
In essence, acceptance is the key to change.
Radical acceptance is popular in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), psychotherapy focused primarily on assisting people in managing powerful and challenging emotions.
What Is The Acceptance and Commitment Therapy?
Psychologist Steven Hayes designed acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) in the 1980s. Hayes’ own experiences of panic attacks form the underlying principles of ACT. He had resolved to stop running from his emotions and instead accept himself and his experiences.
ACT is based on the concept of acceptance and commitment to action that improve your life. It is a kind of psychotherapy that teaches patients to stop avoiding, denying, and struggling with their inner emotions. It prepares them to accept these deeper feelings instead as appropriate responses to specific situations, and these deeper feelings should not prevent them from moving forward in their lives.
This knowledge enables clients to embrace their difficulties and commit to making essential behavioral changes, regardless of what is going on in their lives or how they feel about it.
It comprises six key processes that employ mindfulness techniques to cultivate and deepen acceptance. Mindfulness and acceptance are used in tandem because they both focus on being present in the moment and accepting the world as it is. It treats depression, anxiety, mood disorders, psychosis, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), eating disorders, addiction, and substance use disorder.
Why Is Acceptance Important?
- Acceptance is a necessary condition for genuine engagement and transformation to occur. When you refuse to accept anything, it is challenging to do anything constructive about it.
- Life comes with major and minor losses. Those losses require acceptance as well as a period of mourning and adjustment. It includes acknowledging the loss and eventually letting go of everything you lost.
- Acceptance opens the door to compassion for yourself and others. Unwillingness to accept a circumstance can hinder your healing process.
- It challenges you to confront the transitory nature of reality. Everything is subject to change.
- Due to a sense of belonging that is crucial for the well-being of humans, they are continuously looking for ways that will allow them to connect with people more effortlessly. Being accepted gives you that sense of belonging. Not feeling accepted can lead to various problems, including low self-esteem, humiliation, and self-doubt.
What Is Experiential Avoidance?
This term emerged in the 1990s when psychologists began referring to escape behaviors as experiential avoidance.
It’s the antithesis of acceptance. It is characterized as a reluctance to stay in contact with uncomfortable internal experiences such as emotions, thoughts, memories, and bodily sensations, as well as attempts to manage or avoid distressing internal experiences. It is also called emotional avoidance, emotional unwillingness, thought suppression, and unwillingness.
Though it is a natural response to distressing experiences, it can negatively impact your mental health and behavior. It is an unhealthy coping mechanism that exacerbates or develops new problems.
Role of Acceptance in Recovery From Substance Abuse and Addiction
Accepting that alcoholism is a chronic disease rather than a personal failure is essential for long-term recovery. It involves giving up control, acknowledging your limitations, and admitting that you have an alcohol addiction.
You risk a relapse if you deny you are addicted to alcohol, blame yourself for your sickness, and continue to fight your reality.
Feeling negative emotions like anger, humiliation, and self-pity is normal, but continuously experiencing these emotions indicates that you have not recovered yet.
Alcohol Acceptance
This brief passage about acceptance from the fourth edition of Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book is one of recovery literature’s most frequently referenced passages.
“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.”
“Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”
Accepting one’s alcoholism on an emotional level is critical to recovery and avoiding relapse.
Alcohol Non-Acceptance
Denial, humiliation, guilt, self-pity, and resisting or escaping the disease are all symptoms of emotional non-acceptance of alcoholism. This puts a person at significant risk of relapse.
You can learn to comprehend these dysfunctional emotional coping mechanisms and where they came from through professional counseling or therapy or by attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Then, you can develop appropriate coping mechanisms, such as having a positive mindset to promote acceptance and rehabilitation. Peer support is also a crucial aspect of acceptance.
Getting help once you have begun to accept your alcoholism is vital. There are several treatment options available to assist you in recovering from your alcohol issue.
The initial step should be to consult with your primary care physician. They can send you for treatment and assess whether medication is possible for you.
Aside from medications, behavioral treatments such as cognitive-behavioral or motivational enhancement therapy can help you quit or minimize your drinking.
Strong family support can significantly help a person practice abstinence. Treatment frequently incorporates marital and family counseling.
Finally, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and other 12-step organizations offer peer support, which can be extremely helpful in preventing relapse and maintaining abstinence.
How To Accept Oneself?
Recognize Your Resistance
Consider how you usually cope with your emotions. Most of your reactions to your experiences are unconscious. You don’t always put the bits together and comprehend why you do certain things at different times because resistance has become a routine for you. The first step in changing any habit is to recognize its presence.
Challenge Your Resistance Patterns
After you’ve identified when and how you resist your experience, you might be able to go a little deeper to consider why these patterns emerge. When you were a child, how did the people in your life treat you when you were upset or angry? Instead of allowing you to process your emotions, perhaps the people you grew up with advised you to put on a brave front or quit throwing tantrums. You most likely still experience feelings in the same way. Some of these insights may help you remember your habits. The fact that your formative experiences were beyond your control contributes to self-acceptance.
Practice Mindfulness
Meditation is a traditional approach to practicing awareness that involves devoting time to observing experience without judgment. However, practicing mindfulness may also include mindful moments in your daily life. Mindfulness is the practice of becoming more thoroughly aware of the present moment without judgment.
Here are some methods to include meditation in your daily life:
- Focus on what is happening around you, including your feelings, senses, and thoughts. Slow down and try to enjoy what you are doing.
- Try to concentrate on what is happening now in front of you. Being alert and observant might help you become more present at the moment.
- Gardening, listening to music, and cleaning the house are some other activities that might help you ease into mindfulness practice.
Think Of Your Inner Child
It is difficult to accept yourself since you are accustomed to judging yourself for your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. However, you are unlikely to judge a loved one as harshly as you do yourself. You are more likely to accept others than yourself. While mindfulness allows you to take a step back and examine yourself objectively, getting there may require effort.
This might help you remember your most vulnerable self, making it easier to be compassionate and empathetic when facing a difficult situation.
Practice Patience
Acceptance requires a lot of practice. People accepting of themselves and others have made accepting their default mental habit by repeatedly choosing a more accepting perspective. These repeated mental choices become habitual and natural, demanding less effort after some time. When experiencing challenging emotions, try to use this as an opportunity to learn acceptance.
How To Be More Accepting Of Others?
Accepting others becomes more straightforward as you accept yourself. Self-acceptance can give you a sense of calm and confidence, improving your interactions and relationships with others.
Here are some of the ways you can become more accepting of other people:
Recognize That You Cannot Possibly Know Everything
Start by dismantling your ego. Humans are judgmental beings who must have an opinion on everything. But you don’t have to have an opinion on everything in the world, because it allows you to be more open to new ideas and opinions. Every person you meet in life will know things you don’t know, have experiences you haven’t had and have a different worldview than you. Put aside your prejudices and simply listen to others. You will learn a lot about them.
Know That The Only Person You Can Influence Is Yourself
A person who does not want to change will not change no matter how hard you try to change them, even if it’s for their good. While change is simple, it is not easy. It’s easy because you can set a new goal and begin working toward it. It is not easy since genuine transformation usually requires persistent effort and work over a lengthy period. You cannot mold a loved one into the person you desire. You can love that person and try to influence them positively, but that doesn’t mean they’ll make an effort to improve. It does not imply they are willing to devote the necessary effort and motivation.
Participate In Their Hobbies And Interests
Another way to be more accepting of others is to understand someone’s interests and opinions better. Participating in activities they enjoy and exploring the things they are passionate about is a terrific approach to put yourself in their shoes, get to know them better, and understand them. Differences may divide people, but they can also bring people together if they are willing to explore them. Exploring these distinctions can help you relate to that person, comprehend their sentiments, or see the world through their eyes. Differences should be celebrated rather than feared.
Recall How It Felt To Be Judged For Who You Are
Can you recount how it felt when someone judged you on some aspect of your personality? It is easy to be critical of things that don’t interest you. Everyone has something that makes them feel sensitive and vulnerable, no matter what it is.
But most people hide them to avoid worrying about what others think. It would be better if you avoided passing judgment on the people around you, especially your loved ones. Nobody enjoys being judged. So, when you judge other people, think of how you felt when someone was overly critical of your likes and interests. It will help you become more accepting of others.
Don’t Accept Disrespectful Behavior
While accepting people for who they are is essential, it is also vital to set boundaries. Many people mistreat their loved ones and try to justify it by making irrational excuses. However, you do not have to stick around such people and let them bully you. It can negatively impact your mental health. A healthy set of boundaries is essential to any good friendship or relationship. And if someone is engaging in toxic behavior negatively affecting you or your life, you have every right to walk away without trying to change that person.
Take Away
Acceptance is the key to genuine change. Practicing with the right mindset does not impede action or make you accept your dire fate. It is the first step toward changing your situation. It opens your horizon, enlightens you with new perspectives, and encourages you to take action. You can learn to be more accepting of yourself by acknowledging and working on getting rid of your resistance patterns to accept your situation, practicing mindfulness and patience. It is equally important to be accepting of others by being empathetic of their situation and offering them support.
If you still struggle to accept your situation, know that help is available through medications, behavioral therapy, and AA 12-step group meetings.
FAQs
How to accept people as they are?
Accepting other people for who they are is essential for everything from successful relationships to retaining professionalism at work to positively impacting others around you.
- Stop being judgmental and acknowledge that you don’t know everything.
- Accept that no matter how hard you try, the only person you change is yourself. It makes it easier to accept others.
- Get to know them better by imagining putting yourself in their shoes.
- Think of how it made you feel when someone judged or criticized you.
- Set healthy boundaries. You don’t have to be accepting of their destructive behavior.
What does AA say about acceptance?
According to Alcoholics Anonym, the grief you feel results from problems beyond your control, and you should accept your reality no matter how difficult. You should put your faith in God that everything is He intended it to be. The change you want to see in circumstances beyond your control can only begin when you decide to change yourself.
Is acceptance a key?
Acceptance is the key that encourages you to take action. Acceptance entails acknowledging that there is a problem. Accepting a problem ignites a fire within you that propels you to act. It is not an excuse to quit; instead, it drives you toward living the solution. It is one of the most frequently discussed topics in The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Through acceptance, you begin to build a life worth living by taking the first steps toward improving the things you can change. It is an active process. You lessen your total pain in situations you can’t change by not battling or resisting reality.
What page is acceptance on in the big book?
Acceptance is on page 417.
What is the AA acceptance prayer?
The AA acceptance prayer begins by accepting that the pain you are experiencing is a consequence of an outside source—other people, places, or situations—over which you have no control. Accepting these external sources of pain as they are is the best answer. In such a situation, you must trust God that everything is going as He wants it to and that nothing is a mistake. Individuals addicted to alcohol cannot become sober until they recognize that they are addicted to alcohol. When you decide to change yourself, only then do your circumstances change.
Why is acceptance so important?
Acceptance is fully acknowledging the facts of a situation and not dwelling on how it should not be that way. This mindset frees you from the often harsh judgment of yourself and allows you to let go of feelings of guilt or unfairness. It is a prerequisite for genuine transformation. Acceptance is difficult to do anything constructive when you refuse to accept something. It also instills you with a sense of compassion for yourself and others. It forces you to confront reality without fighting it.
How is acceptance a strength?
Acceptance is the key to strength. By practicing acceptance, you accept reality for what it is rather than expending energy trying to fight it. It alleviates your suffering and allows you to take action. When you accept internal experiences, you are mindfully recognizing what is going on without trying to push those unwanted thoughts or feelings away. You are making room for whatever experiences arise without attempting to control or change them. It enables you to deal with any situation without experiencing an emotional breakdown.
Is acceptance a value?
Acceptance is a core value for many people. Acceptance has helped people overcome some of the biggest obstacles of their lives. It has shown them a healthier alternative to many problems without trying to escape them. It makes people brave and strengthens their character by helping them understand what they can control and what they can’t. When people understand what they can change, they feel encouraged to take action for it.