Narcissists employ guilt, shame, and dread as methods to coerce their victims into fulfilling their sometimes absurd demands. They also use guilt and responsibility to make their victims believe they owe them something. Today, we will talk about narcissistic FOG.
Fear, Obligation, and Guilt (FOG) are the three components of emotional abuse. These three feelings can lead to extremely high levels of worry, dissatisfaction, and self-doubt. Survivors are taught into thinking they are intrinsically evil, that nothing they achieve is worthwhile, and that using force to defend themselves will only inspire hostility. FOG undermines acceptable boundaries, which diminishes your sense of worth. You find yourself constantly doing things you don’t want to do, which forces you to unjustly deal with other people’s emotional problems.
Let’s Look At How The Narcissist Keeps You Living In A Fog:
Fear
Everyone struggles with insecurity to some extent. Everyone regrets something. These feelings are part of the human condition. In a relationship, a narcissist hits us to make sure that these emotions are always aroused.
Remember all the initial questions they asked when you thought they were genuinely interested in you and concerned for you? After you shared your darkest secrets with them, how did they pat you on the shoulder and express sympathy?
They were observing your uneasy emotions and your emotional triggers. After that, they use those feelings against you. Words and actions may be involved in this. Anything they do increases your anxiety that they will leave you because they are capable of doing anything. If they think you don’t care about their point of view, they can threaten to hurt your kids’ feelings.
Obligation
Most of us learned as children that we should put other people’s needs before our own. Society, our parents, grandparents, and other media implanted these views in us. Unfortunately, we frequently internalize the obligations we have to others excessively, especially if we have codependent tendencies. The narcissists benefit from this fact. Narcissists utilize our sense of obligation to blackmail us by giving the idea that they are sacrificing a lot in order to be in a relationship with us. We feel as though we owe them something as a result of this. If we are married to them, they take advantage of our sense of responsibility as a wife or husband to make us feel even more indebted to them.
While in the FOG, we overlook the narcissist’s inability to hold himself to the same standards as we do, despite his attempt to assuage our sense of duty. They just keep getting what they want without making any effort to give anything back. By doing something bad and then attempting to make us take the fall for it, or by persuading us to be angry with them because we are good people, they can use it as an excuse to transfer the blame.
You shouldn’t take advantage of any unintentional compassion the narcissist may exhibit towards you. especially if they never even think to get you a gift or recognize your birthday. Understand that narcissists will never contribute without recording it in their mental ledger and making arrangements to reclaim their contributions.
Guilt
Anyone who has a conscience is ashamed of himself. This explains why narcissists still cause problems in our relationships despite their seeming ignorance of the harm they inflict. That’s because they lack a conscience in comparison to us. They also succeed in doing this by utilizing our self-criticism for their own nefarious ends.
The narcissist wants you to think that you hurt someone even if you didn’t. By agreeing to their inappropriate behavior, you justify your own bad behavior and give in to temporarily reduce your guilt. Any of the blame that the narcissist places on us are unjustified. Because of our overwhelming feelings of shame, remorse, and unworthiness, we mistakenly believe that no one will ever want us. This helps to explain why we continue to crave them even after they reject us. Everything in this place is a part of their deliberate attempt to brainwash us. Once they’re done, our entire belief system will have been reprogrammed. However, they were successful in making us take the blame for everything even though they were the ones who ought to have been held accountable.
You won’t ever be able to control your emotions or feel like you matter as long as the narcissist is still in your life. Even a seemingly kind deed or kind word said on their behalf carries a great cost. Every person’s words and deeds have motives behind them. Stop letting him or her influence how you see yourself. Decide to leave, don’t speak to anyone, and depart without delay. You weren’t put on this planet to serve as someone’s property or their emotional whipping boy; you were meant to be happy. Get yourself out of the mist so you can start to heal.
Things You Must Stop If You Want To Break Out Of The Narcissistic Fog
FOG is a technique used by narcissists to control and manipulate their prey. Narcissists instill in their victims a sense of caution, a willingness to put their abuser’s wants ahead of their own, and scepticism about their own motivations.
The FOG of narcissistic abuse typically persists even after a relationship ends. You can find it difficult to look after yourself, feel as though you lack healthy limits, or experience overwhelming self-doubt. Many narcissistic abuse victims experience difficulties with their sense of self and view of the future as a result of the detrimental psychological impacts of codependency.
There are four things you need to stop doing in order to escape the FOG of narcissistic abuse:
Finding Comfort in Chaos
Because it leaves individuals perplexed and presents them with the opportunity to control others, chaos is a refuge for narcissists. The chaos ultimately starts to feel normal as you develop the ability to endure disruption. Despite the consequences, some people remain drawn to dysfunction after leaving a narcissist.
To overcome a chaotic addiction, one must become conscious of unhealthy behaviors and form new habits. Do you tend to be too demanding, and stressed out all the time, or do you just seem to attract negative relationships? A crowded home is another veiled sign that you’re seeking refuge in chaos. By being conscious of your energy and committing to healthy routines and habits, you can learn to be comfortable with calm.
Putting Yourself Last
Don’t think of yourself as just a bystander in your own life. Less time is spent attempting to make other people happy and more time is spent doing the things that make you happy. Make your personal time a top priority on your calendar and utilize it to unwind with family and friends, engage in hobbies, or plan trips.
You can find it difficult to start a pastime or interest at first. Do not overextend yourself with commitments. A few hobbies you may try out at home without committing too much are reading, journaling, creating, running, and yoga. A quick bath or cosmetic routine might be a self-love gesture. You’ll discover what activities you enjoy the most eventually.
Answering “Yes” to every request
Victims of narcissistic abuse typically lack a sense of their own personal boundaries since they were not allowed to have any. As a result, you’ll feel less confident in yourself and you’ll be more vulnerable to manipulation. You need solid, reliable boundaries if you want to make decisions, handle difficult situations, and know when to say NO.
Values are the essential foundation of boundaries. Boundaries stand in for the values that you won’t compromise on, such as restraint, honesty, respect for your time, and how you’ll tolerate being treated by others. Constraints of the physical, sexual, and material kinds are possible.
Doubts About Yourself
You are prevented from doubting your abilities by personal boundaries based on your principles. Remind yourself that you are competent and capable of making the decisions that are best for you rather than looking to others for approval. Positive affirmations and declarations of your values can be written on post-its and adhered to where you will notice them.
It’s critical to recognize narcissistic abuse for what it is. It will be more difficult to end the cycle of narcissistic abuse if you are unable to acknowledge what took place and that it was unacceptable. You are more likely to experience internalized guilt and return to an abusive situation. You are liberated from the past and encouraged to have faith in yourself by embracing the truth.
Not Working with a Therapist
Attending therapy could be a sensible decision if you wish to heal from narcissistic abuse. Even if the initial expenditures might be prohibitive, counseling can be a vital tool in your effort to mend your wounds and restore your self-esteem. Additionally, counseling can assist you in understanding your situation, establishing boundaries, and creating effective coping techniques. If you’re prepared to begin your journey toward recovery, check into locating a therapist who can support you in achieving your objectives.
Online counseling is a fantastic alternative if you find it challenging to attend in-person sessions. Traditional in-person sessions can be swiftly and affordably replaced by online counseling. It also offers a respectable level of privacy. Use a concierge service that specializes in online healthcare when it comes time to compare therapist prices. The majority of concierge services are based on annual subscriptions, and a number of platforms have connections to well-known insurance companies. Additionally, with telehealth choices like these, you can pick the ideal therapist for your particular needs.
It’s quite challenging to emerge from the narcissistic abuse fog. A narcissist can manipulate you even after you leave, keeping their influence over your ideas. However, you might be able to permanently escape narcissistic abuse if you learn to love yourself more, set clear boundaries, have confidence in yourself, and work with a therapist. Later on, there will be plenty of time to consider the reasons. Finding that escape window must be the top priority right now. Keep your composure and wait for the right time to act.
How To Come Out Of The Abuse Narcissistic Fog
To emerge from the abuse fog, follow these six steps:
Recognize the different types of abuse
The seven basic types of abuse are: physical, verbal, emotional, mental, sexual, financial, and spiritual. To learn the abuser’s tactics, make a list of all sorts of abuse. The majority of abusers have a few go-to methods that they consistently use. Know how that looks and what it is called.
Study the abuser
Everyone is susceptible to weakness and vulnerability. The abuser in this instance has mastered the art of determining the victim’s susceptibility. To keep the fog at bay, the opposite must take place. Be wary of emotional outbursts, repeated words or phrases, tense gestures, and defensiveness. These are probably fairly obvious. The complexity that was previously used to force compliance should now be exposed to show weakness.
Be patient
You need time, effort, dedication, strategy, and patience to escape an abuser. To escape could take days or even years, depending on the type and severity of the abuse. Later on, there will be plenty of time to consider the reasons. Finding that escape window must be the top priority right now. Keep your composure and wait for the right time to act.
Think strategically
The abuser has mastered the win-lose approach, allowing them to continually succeed at the victim’s expense. A similar rationale for practicing before to an athletic event is that significant victories are unlikely without practice. Start small, then work your way up to bigger triumphs. Even though the long-term objective is the main emphasis, confidence is increased by short-term wins.
Act subtly
It is far simpler to think rationally when anxiety, fury, despair, and horror are released. These feelings shouldn’t be ignored since they have the potential to be powerful forces for change. However, a buildup of repressed emotions could cause a volcanic eruption. Unquestionably, an abuser would use this for the worst scenarios imaginable. Instead, look for settings that allow you to be yourself.
Make peace with the FOG
Recall how relieved you were when the darkness vanished and everything became clear. This is possible if everyday action is needed to keep on track. But when the fog comes back, don’t fight it; it’s a waste of time and energy. Instead, be thankful that it is there. The only action that can be taken in this circumstance is what is instantly obvious. That will stop someone from having too many options.
Only the abused have the power to decide to leave. It is much easier to carry out the decision physically after making it intellectually. Use the fog to your advantage to get a clearer perspective and the best outcome.
How To Help Someone Recovering From Narcissistic FOG Abuse
Assistance is frequently required by those who are recovering from narcissistic abuse. Here are some ideas for helping a friend or family member who is recovering.
Be there for them
Being present for someone who is healing from narcissistic abuse is one of the nicest things you can do for them. Don’t judge them and don’t hold them accountable for continuing to be in the relationship. Most likely, a person healing from narcissistic abuse will struggle with trust. Make an effort to act as their safe haven, giving them a location where they may go to feel protected and safe.
Take heed of them
You can help someone get over a demoralizing relationship by listening to them. Since they have experienced trauma, they need someone who would listen to them with kindness and empathy. They definitely appreciate you being a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on for them. They might use your help as a compass while they’re recovering. It’s crucial to pay attention to the person you’re helping and their experiences and feelings. If they admit to having thoughts of harming themselves, it is crucial that you don’t reject them but rather take them seriously.
The Bottom Line
It is challenging to recover from narcissistic FOG abuse. We must all work together to support anyone going through the aforementioned atrocities or recovering from them.
We hope that you find “Narcissistic FOG” interesting.
FAQs
Why do narcissists cause confusion?
Narcissists typically use this tactic when they don’t understand what the other person is saying. Instead of acknowledging their confusion, they make it seem as though what the other person is saying is incomprehensible. This is an attempt to dismiss justifiable concerns.
How does a narcissist react when they can’t control you?
They deceive others by making use of both positive and negative emotions or situations. Narcissists degrade and destabilize their victims by gaslighting them or engaging in master manipulation. A narcissist who loses control over you is probably going to feel scared, get furious, and perhaps even start making threats.
What mental illness has narcissistic traits?
An excessive sense of self-importance is a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder, a mental health issue. They demand excessive amounts of attention and want to be admired. It’s possible for those who have this disease to be incapable of comprehending or caring about the sentiments of others.